U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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