My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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