Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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