I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
