my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
