She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
