guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize