remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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