Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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