Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
