Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
