found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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