dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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