Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
