Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
