hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need a beard to bite.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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