sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
