My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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