I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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