i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
