Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So squirting runs in the family.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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