i dont even know how to be here
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
