I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
