I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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