the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I did not marry a roomba.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
