So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
