it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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