What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
