he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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