just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize