i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
