hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize