if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
