Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
