Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Four minutes until I can fart!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
