This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
