no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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