Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
