Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
