in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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