I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
we should paint friendship bongs
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