The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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