Having a random hookup so left but love u
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
