i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
