New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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