I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
