I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
