Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
