They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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