i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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