Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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