and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Green mimosas i think yes
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
