You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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