Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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