I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize