Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
