i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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