Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
