I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
