I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
