I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
