adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
