There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
