I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
