Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
