i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im six kinds of drunk right now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
