Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
