I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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